YOU

They said if you love someone you have to let them go and if they come back then they are meant to be part of your life, but it seems like you took advantage of that and kept reappearing. Now I am here wondering if we are meant to be together, looking for reasons to hold back, searching for grounds to hold on but all I can get are reasons to let go. I don't want to let you go but I can't keep hurting, this pain is too much to handle, I am bleeding and you do not realize I don't know if it's intentional or you are just not paying attention. I miss the times when I did not have to beg for your attention, when loving you did not hurt and when thinking of you did not bring tears to my eyes. Now I am left with memories, holding on to good times and running away from this pain. I cry myself to sleep, asking myself questions

where did I go wrong?

Is the sex not good enough anymore?

Am I not pretty enough for him anymore?

but why is loving you torturing me?

Why is the thought of you brings sadness to me?

If loving you is going to lead me into depression then I don't want to love you anymore, let go of my heart, stop reappearing when I am healing, stop disturbing my rehabilitation.

I did not sign up for sadness but happiness.

I was not promised hate but love.

I was promised attention not ignorance.

I was promised heaven and earth not hell.

You were the one who disturbed my peace, you said you love me to the moon and back, you said I am your wifey and wathi uzongilobola. How did a person who was my best friend turned into a stranger, the person I could not go a day without hearing his voice turned into my worst enemy, your sweet voice now annoys me.

Why am I having these regrets now?

Why am I having this low self esteem?

I look at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself anymore, I don't know this girl anymore.

My mistake was to fall in love before I could know who you are, I was mistaken by trusting you and that you loved me that was another lie. If you wanted games you should have been clear from the beginning, I would have not gotten my heart involved, I would have guarded my feelings.

I hope you found satisfaction in fooling me, getting into my panties gave you fulfillment and breaking my heart made you manly.

I am going to heal, mend my heart and find my ground again, I won't let you determine who I am and who I will be, I am not going to turn into what I hate which is YOU.